March 2011
Thanks y’all for all the kind words. They helped a whole bunch. No joke. We’ll see how tonight goes…
Tonight, or, When She Almost Fell Apart
Tonight is my first night in my new place. I moved in a week ago, but left immediately for Vegas. I have been in vacation mode up until now. My roommate went to bed, so I wasted some time watching tv, postponing the inevitable moment. The moment when I realize that: I know a total of one person in this entire state, I’m over 500 miles from all I’ve ever known to be a normal daily life, my family would take me back in a heartbeat, I have to start work with an entirely new group of people after 6+ years of the same bunch, that I’m alone alone alone. The feeling of wanting to throw up has passed, I think. But every time I pause to think the tears threaten, again. I want to be strong, I want this to be something I’m good at. I don’t want to quit. All I can do is hope I made the right choice and work my hardest to keep it right. Right? Things always feel better in the daylight. Hopefully that sentiment, and melatonin, will get me through tonight….
Everything is packed. The trailer has my motorcycle and all my clothes(in those space bag things) and my bookshelf. My dog is secure, surrounded by roped down boxes and boxes of books. If I hadn’t painted my nails today, I’m sure they would be in shreds by now. That’s all I’m bringing. Dog, books, clothes, and motorcycle. I must be crazy.
On my last morning living at my parents, my mom tapped on my door to make sure I was up in time
I’m 24…..
“Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You’re going to have to work.”
—Tosh
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